only you would photoshop your dick
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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