I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
