Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i drank out of a bidet.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
