omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Quick, to the slutcave!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
