nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
