I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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