So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my shit smells like andre
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
