I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The adults are the big ones right?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
