Can i not drive my cunt home
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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