I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
