After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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