I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
