Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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