I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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