hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There r osticjed everywhere
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
