Your tits are I can't wait for
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
