people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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