I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
