you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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