Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She bit a glass in half.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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