she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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