Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
