did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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