I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
