I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
