I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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