tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
