Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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