We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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