That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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