i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Well I just put wine in my tea
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
