I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
