Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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