I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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