two words: eviction party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
