You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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