Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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