I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
