i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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