i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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