he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
