The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
