I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
