She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
