the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
