My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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