We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
