I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
