dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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