Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
