You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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