I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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