Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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(917): My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva". http://tfl.nu/2q86

Replies (25) Good night (4849) Bad night (1890)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing

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(610): just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing http://tfl.nu/xxuk

Replies (19) Good night (967) Bad night (8553)
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(419): View more from Ohio

All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS

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(419): All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS http://tfl.nu/2lvs

Replies (17) Good night (4104) Bad night (2081)
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(805): View more from California

there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you

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(805): there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you http://tfl.nu/cq33

Replies (7) Good night (837) Bad night (2756)
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(406): View more from Montana

I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.

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(406): I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name. http://tfl.nu/y6iz

Replies (3) Good night (3125) Bad night (720)
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(703): View more from Virginia

Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume

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(703): Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume http://tfl.nu/akez

Replies (9) Good night (2459) Bad night (785)
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(330): View more from Ohio

It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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(330): It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop. http://tfl.nu/5ysk

Replies (11) Good night (731) Bad night (1614)
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(714): View more from California

Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made

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(714): Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made http://tfl.nu/j4f1

Replies (7) Good night (1767) Bad night (520)
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(559): View more from California

He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year

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(559): He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year http://tfl.nu/93v6

Replies (8) Good night (1344) Bad night (766)
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(585): View more from New York

It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.

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(585): It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate. http://tfl.nu/p0j4

Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (603)
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(425): View more from Washington

You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.

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(425): You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality. http://tfl.nu/6xy0

Replies (6) Good night (1205) Bad night (561)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.

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(573): I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs. http://tfl.nu/ty2k

Replies (8) Good night (714) Bad night (339)
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(404): View more from Georgia

Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.

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(404): Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to. http://tfl.nu/ye3d

Replies (5) Good night (584) Bad night (395)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma

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(919): Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma http://tfl.nu/tsev

Replies (1) Good night (931) Bad night (295)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship

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(860): so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship http://tfl.nu/7dsx

Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (257)

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