i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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