i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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