i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.