dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
