OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
