my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
