And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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