omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
