rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
