I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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