my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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