Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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